Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
