its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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