Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
