I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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