i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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