This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You took a bar mat shot.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Randomize
