just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
We named our party play list daddy issues
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
