your thong is hanging out like whoa
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
