i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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