I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
