I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
