i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
