I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
