Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
