she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
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