My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
now i know why i became what i already was.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
