Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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