It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
No subtext here. People are naked.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
pray to the hookup gods
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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