They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
