I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
