Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Randomize
