I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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