i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
