He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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