Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He did a backflip because drugs
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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