He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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