Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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