i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
