Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
