Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
