hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
