I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Randomize
