we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
