I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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