she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize