Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
