Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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