my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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