dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
