Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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