So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
