he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Banned from zoo.
Again?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
