Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
