dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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