I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
