My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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