I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
