Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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