I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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