why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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