theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
