This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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