Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
