Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Found the puke drawer
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
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