You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
