On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
