my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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