is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
