its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
