M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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