Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
