OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The struggles of a small town man whore
We need to get me chipped asap
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
