i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
