I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
