:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize