hotel room ftw
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I need a burrito and a hug.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
