She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
