Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
