ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
