like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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