So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
