just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
