Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
