She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
