if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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